vMe: Quotage

Chomskybot quotes flowing from microcassette recorder
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Superman isn't brave [...] He's smart, handsome, even decent. But he's not brave. No, listen to me. Superman is indestructible, and you can't be brave if you're indestructible. It's people like you and your mother. People who are different, and can be crushed and know it. Yet they keep on going out there every time.
-- Grandpa, Angus

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

-- Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything

"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing." -Charles Bukowski

Bart: Besides, what's so great about kissing?
Milhouse: Bart, it's not just the kissing. A lot of it is waiting to kiss. You know, like when you open an Eskimo Pie and you wait just a little bit for it to melt.
Bart: But she doesn't melt...
Milhouse: Oh yes she does

— The Simpsons

when you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation

whats her face, Teen Girl Squad

What they don't seem to get is that the key to living the good life is to avoid that brass ring like the fucking plague.

— Ty Braxton (qtd in "Temp Hides Fun, Fulfilling Life From Rest Of Office," The Onion.)

I am mystified by the hundreds of references to "ibid", apparently a book, probably ancient, and unknown to any bookstore I've talked to.

— The Cube

All we've got is that last image of Angela, the smart girl who wants to be cool, driving off with dreamy, barely literate Jordan Catalano, while poor Brian Krakow, the brainy geek next door who really loves her, watches forlornly from astride his bicycle.

— The Cube

People in their twenties treat each other like crap.
— Dr. Drew

[Women who seek out abusive men to replace their abusive fathers], these guys have ruined your life and you repay them with oral. Meanwhile, these poor poindexters are crying themselves to sleep every night in a sea of tears and semen. Think about that...

— Adam Corolla

Ooo, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa. Let's get the hell out of here already. Screw history!

— Professor Farnsworth, Futurama

We can't possibly retrieve our balls from the highest office in the land.

— Mikey, Recess

You know what, I was wrong. You *are* an idiot. My life... happens to, on occasion, *suck* beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it's not just mine: every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. The beautiful ones; the popular ones; the guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling... loneliness... the confusion... it looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.

— Buffy to Jonathan in the clocktower (BtVS: Earshot)

You can't fight the world alone.

— Noam Chomsky

Much like you have to childproof your home, we're learning to NCAA proof our downtown.

— Bloomington PD Captain Joe Qualters as reported in the IDS

the only tenable theory I can think of to account for his style is that his semicolon key is connected to his pleasure center.

— The Cube

I'd like to reverse my lost innocence---I'd like to be able to see :-( without seeing a frowny-face.

— The Cube

God bless archived mailing lists! In one hundred years, when my great grandson is up for tenure, they can look back and on the basis of my recorded statements, secretly blacklist him.

— The Cube

Sooner or later, everybody goes to the zoo.

— Sloan, Ferris Bueller's Day Off

The hardware side of computers keeps on getting better and cheaper at an exponential rate...[But] this breathtaking vista must be contrasted with the Great Shame of computer science, which is that we don't seem to be able to write software much better as computers get much faster.

— Jaron Lanier

My love is like a source code that compiles on the first shot.
My love is like a PDE when all nonlinear terms drop out.
And so you can extrapolate, so locked in phase am I,
That I will love you till they find the last digit of pi.

— The Cube

Likewise according to this view the only way to know that a man thinks is to be that particular man. It is in fact the solipsist point of view...instead of arguing continually over this point it is usual to have the polite convention that everyone thinks.

— Alan Turing

I am a top programmer who codes in VB.

The Slashdot Troll HOWTO

The Dude abides.

— Dude, The Big Lebowsky

Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons

[Capitalism] promotes not only the high-intensity consumption of commodities but also the idea that the self is realized through consumption. It is addicted to acquisition. It cultivates the pursuit of thrills; it elevates the pursuit of pleasure to high standing; and, as part of this ensemble, it promotes the use of licit chemicals for stimulation, intoxication, and fast relief. The widespread use of licit drugs in America can be understood as part of this larger set of values and activities.

— sociologist Todd Gitlin

When the hell do I get to see the goddamn sailboat?

— William, Mallrats

Grover: Ok, the way I see it, if we were an old couple, dated for years, graduated, away from all these scholastic complications, and I reached over and kissed you, you wouldn't say a word, you'd be delighted, probably, but if I was to do that now it'd be quite forward, and if I did it the first time we ever met you probably would hit me.
Jane: What do you mean?
Grover: I just wish we were an old couple so I could do that.

Kicking and Screaming

Through online chat, people test out their most secret impulses. The segmentation of rooms and sites allows them to find one another like rapists in a prison. Just as playing Dungeons & Dragons doesn't turn a kid into a wizard, pretending to be a homicidal maniac online doesn't make a man a killer. But determining what it does make him is one of the biggest ethical dilemmas facing modern society.

The Villiage Voice

George represents the unrepentant sinner while the Man in the Yellow Hat shows us God's indifference to man's suffering.

— The Cube

The universities in the ex-USSR had departments devoted to Marxist-Leninist ideology; universities in the US have business schools.

— The Cube

Beauracracy is masturbation.

— The Cube